the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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