we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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