If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
