Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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