i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
