I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
