I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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