I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
