Kiss
Puke
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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