I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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