hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
