you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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