Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
