No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
