well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
