I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
