ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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