You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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