Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
