I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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