I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
