No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Did I show you my penis last night?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
