i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
