Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
