Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
this just has baby written all over it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
