Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
