I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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