dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
