please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
