My room smells like vodka and shame
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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