Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
