yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
