He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
