Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're a waste of cheezeits
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
