Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
