Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
