Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
