Someone shit on the floor
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
