I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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