I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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