Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
