sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
