I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
