Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
