i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
