Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
