Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
