I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
