My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
