you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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