i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
