I swear she didn't look like that last week.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
