escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
