hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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