I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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