i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
