so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
